Residency: Chapter One

I get asked a lot about how residency is going. And often I just try to be witty and throw out a casual answer like "It's going" and change the topic. Mostly because a) it's easier than trying to explain and b) I don't really know how it is going because truthfully it is just different than I thought.

This year has been both harder.. and easier than we expected.

Intern year hit off with more than a bang.. it was kind of a catastrophe actually. Within 2 months we moved, bought a home, fixed it up, had a baby, and during all that Brian was thrown into his first rotation in the ICU where he was working 100+ hours a week at times. 

To say we were overwhelmed is an understatement. 

I remember flopping in bed at midnight after just ripping out the flooring in our new home and crying because I hadn't seen my husband in 3 days because he was working 12+ hour nights and our last communication had been to snap at each other from our exhaustion and stress and whip out a few awkward hugs that meant "I'll see you when I see you and maybe we can work this out then" and wondering how in the world I was going to survive THREE whole years of this.

I felt guilty for being upset with him when he was the most stressed, tired, exhausted physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally I had ever seen him. I wanted to support him but I too was exhausted, feeling overwhelmed, and about to have a baby.

And at that moment I thought to myself that this was way harder than I had ever imagined.

But then flash forward only a month later where we sat chilling at a park eating Little Caesar's pizza while watching Lydia chase some rolly-polly bugs and we were casually talking about how nice this new geriatrics rotation was and how we were able to see Brian so much more.

It felt like a dream and that the last hellish rotation of ICU was just a really really bad nightmare.

And at that moment I thought to myself that this was easier than I had imagined.

And the year continued like that.. 2 weeks of stress, 6 weeks of not, 4 weeks of exhaustion, 1 week of not, and so forth.

Honestly this post has been a really hard one for me to write. I have probably written 5 different versions of what I want to say and none of them felt right to me.

I sat on the phone, talking to my friend back in Chicago whose husband is just ending his 3rd year of medical school and tried to put into words what this year has been like, and I even struggled spitting the words out to her.

It's not that this year has been that awful or anything, it has just been so different than I ever imagined. Had you asked me how it was going every 3 of the last 12 months, I would have told you different answers at each stage.

I worried about writing this because I didn't want the whole "woe is me" or "pity my hard life" or anything like that. I know a lot of what I experienced this year is normal for many people and not just the wife of a new resident.

Often I find that to explain our experience I talk a lot about the negative aspects which make it sound like I'm complaining and I really really don't want to sound like that or that my life is really negative when it isn't.

I just want to be real for those who experience similar situations.

I wrote a post "To the First Years" and gave advice on what I wish I would have known or heard starting medical school. And this post is kind of similar but aimed at residents and what I would tell myself a year ago if I could.

You see, it is so much easier to look back on a trial or a life experience and see what you should have done or wished you had known at that time. And in a lot of cases, though it was a difficult time, in the end many of us wouldn't give it up because we learned so much about ourselves or our loved ones or we just grew stronger in ways that can only happen once beaten down.

So here is what I learned or how I would prepare myself for the year that was a head of us.

1- Take a Big Breath. Breathe in and breathe out.

I can't tell you how many times we have to verbally say this out loud to each other. But in that breath your senses awaken a bit more. You feel your lungs fill with air, you hear the exhaling air through your nose and you will see and think a bit more clearly.

Most of the time Brian holds me as I cry or worry. He's always been my protector and comforter.

But the night before he started his first day of residency as an intern, I had the chance to reverse those roles. I held him.

He was feeling completely overwhelmed. Besides everything that we had going on in our lives, he felt he was drowning in expectations given by others... his family, his school, me, but most importantly his expectations for himself.

He had waited for this moment his whole life and yet here he was and he didn't feel as smart or strong or ready as he had always thought he would be.

In that moment I found myself telling him to breathe. Just breathe.

When the tough times of pure exhaustion came. We learned to take a breath.

And when the moments of pure joy came. We learned to take a breath. A different breath though, one where we savored it a little bit more and enjoyed the feeling of joy.

When our second daughter was born we took a deep breath in and held it there a little bit longer.

When Brian came home from work one night with tears in his eyes from being beaten down by a resident's harsh (and cruel) words. We took a breath.

When I felt lonely and friendless I learned to breathe.

When Brian surprised the girls and I by coming home hours earlier because it was a slower day, we took a breathe of happiness.

In and out. In and out. Just breathe and live.

2-We are in this together.This is our squad.

One time I was waiting for Brian to come home because I had to run to an eye appointment and he had told me he would be home in time. So I waited and waited and started fretting and worrying that I wouldn't make it on time.

I watched his car drive into the garage and I let the anger start to boil a bit as I waited for him to come inside. It was a good 5 minutes before he came inside and I was frustrated. I even thought to myself I deserved to be frustrated. He knew he was late. He knew I was waiting and yet he stayed in his car for 5 minutes extra instead of running inside and allowing me to run to the appointment.

When he walked inside I let him know I was mad as I left the house.

As I was driving to the the eye exam thinking about all the 'good' things I should have said, I had the thought come to my mind "You are in this together." But I pushed it away because I was just too frustrated.

I started thinking thoughts like, "I am home with the kids all day holding down the fort. I clean all day. Do your laundry. Make you lunches and dinners. Do your shopping so there is soap when you want it and toothpaste always in the drawer. I am lonely and don't have friends or a social life because I don't speak to anyone above a 2 year-old all day. I never do anything for myself and all I asked of you was to be home at this time so I could get my eyes checked."

And the thought came more powerfully that time, "You are in this together."

It wasn't until a few nights later that Brian came home from a long day and the kitchen was not clean when he walked in and I didn't have dinner and the kids were ornery from shorter naps and had gone to bed early. He walked in and did a big sigh and then started angrily doing the dishes. When I came in to welcome him home he said, "I don't have time for this. I go to work for 12 hour plus days and come home to a messy house that I have to clean and I still have to finish my notes and read about tomorrow's patients but I am just so tired. I just can't do it all. I want to be with you and the kids and now they are in bed for the second night in a row and I haven't even seen them in days."

And this time while he was speaking the thought came again that had come so strongly the week before, "You are in this together." And this time I listened and I understood.

It is so easy for Brian and I to point fingers or say that one situation is harder than the others. But that isn't the solution. What we have had to learn is that we are in this together. We shouldn't be against each other but supporting each other, listening and holding each other through it.

I once had a friend tell me that what she and her husband do sometimes before they go to bed is to ask each other what the other is currently struggling with. They talk about it and then the opposite spouse prays with them but for them and their struggle. They are truly willing to bear one another's burdens and get through it together. Since hearing this, Brian and I have tried this as well and it has helped us to stay more connected and on the same team.

When we got married and we said yes for "time and all eternity" we didn't place exceptions on that. We didn't' say "except when you leave the kitchen dirty and drink all the orange juice in the fridge" or "except when you are late coming home and don't put gas in the car." We are together through eternity and that includes everything each person goes through and experiences.

We are learning it is important to stay connected in other ways too. We need date nights, monthly temple trips, talks away from the kids and talks with the kids. Planned and unplanned family night outs and just the candid moments in between.

There is no one else I'd rather be in this with. This little family is my ultimate #squadgoal and I can't let myself miss that.

3- Support, Support, SUPPORT

This can go a few different ways. I'm talking about supporting him. He's tired and working hard and so are you, but this won't last forever. Cheer him on, tell him you are proud and grateful for all he is doing. Uplift him and love him.

But I'm also talking about supporting yourself and kids. You need someone cheering you on too. Having family nearby was our biggest reason we chose to come back to Utah. For us, nothing beats family.

But we also grew used to amazing friend and ward support systems while living as students both at USU and in Chicago. We had expected to find that here but it didn't come as quickly. It has and still is taking more time and effort than it had before, and time is just something that doesn't come smoothly with Brian's schedules.

Regardless, keep searching until you find it and hold on if it is already there. Surround yourself with people who build you up and keep you floating when it would be so easy to sink.

4- Learn to be independent. I had to learn this in medical school and then relearn it here.

With family nearby this usually means that there are more family gatherings to go to-baby blessings, baptisms, monthly family dinners, the usual holidays, and the spontaneous game night, etc. Brian can't go to most of these events and so I often go alone. Thankfully they are family so it really isn't that hard to do.

For me the harder stuff to do is going to activities or neighborhood bonfires or BBQs with just me and the girls. These are things I would want Brian to come with me to and before this medical stuff I wouldn't have gone by myself.. but now I do.

I know too many people who wait. They are the ones who wait for their circumstances to change.

I was this person at one point. I waited for Brian's days off for us to go do things. And I waited some more. And finally time was just slipping through my fingers and I realized that while waiting I was not living.

We still have to live the life around us. I can't stay shut in to my house waiting for Brian's day off so we can do something. Nope. You learn to get out with you and the kids without him.

Being independent also means wearing the pants on the "adulting" things that Brian usually does. For me, it meant I do the bills or mow the lawn or get projects done around the house and don't wait for him to have the time. I make the phone calls to schedule plumbers or the internet (which I hate doing). I call the insurance company to go over benefits, etc. I'm not saying I do these things all the time. I'm saying that I don't depend on him to do it if it needs to be done.

5- God is good

Brian's Sundays in medical school were very free. He never had school on Sundays and rarely if ever had rotation or clinic needs that took over. We made a family decision that he would never study on Sundays and that they would be days for family, church, and God.

We have not been able to keep that decision alive in residency. Brian works most Sundays and so we have had to readjust. We make time for our priorities. When someone says that they "didn't have time" to do something, most of the time what they are saying is that they "didn't make it a priority". Of course there are exceptions, but most of the time that is exactly what it is.

Prioritizing family time is important, prioritizing God is even more. While he may not be able to physically go to church all the time, there are still many other ways he can make time for God. You need to do what personally works for you and your situation but you need to make sure it is something you make happen.

Some of the things that works for Brian are these:
-Daily Scripture study as a couple, a separate one with the kids, and family prayer
-Listening to scriptures and conference talks to and from work
-Reading the Ensign on downtime at work
-Family home evening on his days off
-Monthly temple trip (or in our case it was every 5 weeks)

It was October, General Conference weekend.. and Brian had worked the night shift and came crashing down the stairs on Saturday morning where the girls and I were watching conference. He sat down just as Elder J. Devn Cornish spoke on "Am I Good Enough? Will I make it?" and it was NOT a coincidence that Brian came in at that time.

Brian was feeling beat due to a tough rotation and a resident who was very negative. He needed someone to believe in him when he didn't quite believe in himself just as Elder Cornish had experienced. For Brian to come in at that moment and hear a man speaking of similar experiences of residency, spoke to Brian and told him that God was aware of him and his situation.

We need never do hard things alone because we have the best cheerleader and coach one could ever have. Make God a priority. God is good and he is on our team.

6- Don't forget to Live.

Brian has truly handled residency like a champ. But he is human and so I did see a side of him that at first had me wondering who the heck he was and where my husband had gone.

But he'll come back. And he has.

This isn't Groundhog Day where you are stuck in the same day forever. Meaning that you won't be this poor, this lonely, this busy, this crazy or a new intern family forever.

It also means that you won't have a 2 year old and 9 month old or living in a fixer upper or driving that blue Honda CRV forever either. When residency is over you will have an almost 5 and 3 year old, possibly a new car and less to fix on the house and who knows what else will change...

Don't think of life as "some day it will get easier and better and we can finally live" because it is not true. These are some of the best years of our lives. Don't forget to live.

Fnd the joy in the stage and focus on it so that you can look back with fond memories and be grateful you overcame the challenges and trials that will make you stronger if you allow them to. You have the choice. Choose to live and love it.

So there you have it. At least my view of this last Intern year. We're doing it just like you, and your grocer, and the Coldstone ice cream scooper, and everyone else.

And now time to reminisce about the awesome time we had last week in a beach house in California celebrating the end of Intern year... while Brian is currently finishing up his his first 30 hour shift in the ICU as a second year resident.
Bring on PGY-2. We are ready for you!

Chicago Medical School Graduation 💗

TA DA!!!! Presenting Dr. Larson! After all the dreaming and doubting, the ups and the downs, Brian graduated.

We debated for a while on whether we wanted to fly back to Chicago for graduation.. Paying money for flights, taking the time to walk across a stage, finding a babysitter, a place to stay, etc... Is it worth it we asked ourselves..?

The answer to that was absolutely.

Being able to hear Brian's name as "Dr. Brian Larson" and watching him walk across that stage and be hooded made me speechless. And yes.. I cried. 

You can hear me in the video below...all emotional and who knows what. I just couldn't help shouting for all to hear, "That's my husband! That's him!" and of course crying.. I just allowed myself to give into all the emotions of the last 4 years of watching this man struggle and aspire. 

All those sleepless nights, nail-biting tests, hungry study hours, and lonely days couldn't damper my feelings and excitement. 

There he was.. walking across with the biggest smile on his face.

Yes. This was worth it.

All of it.

We are so grateful for all the tremendous support and love we have received throughout the years. I don't want to imagine what it would have been like without all our family, friends, and the Lord. I can't bring myself to even think about what life would have been like in that world.

We feel beyond blessed to be here. We've seen and felt the Lord's hand in our lives from day one. He has freely given us so many tender mercies and miracles along this journey. Family has come to visit us and take care of us, call just to chat because I'm lonely and pray for us in which we truly felt the prayers. Friends have stood by us in getting us through the days when we needed to relax or vent, adding some fun and excitement to those gray days and learning to lean on each other. We've been fed, clothed, sheltered, and loved.

Thank you... Words can't fully express how thankful we are.

To celebrate, we headed out on Lake Michigan to go sailing. It was perfect to just feel so free and uplifted, even with the dark cloud of residency threatening to hang over us in the next few weeks.

Chicago skyline is beautiful. The weather here in Illinois is pretty decent in the spring, summer, and fall. We've loved the trees and living by Lake Michigan which is pretty much an ocean. We'll miss the food, sights, and sounds. Simple things like fireflies and cicada bugs and all the squirrels (seriously.. like 20 in every tree and half of them black squirrels!). We'll miss being close to Six Flags and all the forest preserves. The museums, one of a kind houses (not cookie cutter like we are used to seeing), and all the farms where we can do our own fruit picking. Of course, above all.. we'll miss the people. Our neighbors, ward friends, the families I worked for and learned to love. We truly will miss it all. Chicago has been good to us and we learned to love it here.

 

So long Chicago. You will be greatly missed. Goodbye medical school.. I'll miss you only sorta. 

To Do List: ☑ Medical School

When Brian and I were dating, he told me his plans to go to medical school and that he would graduate in Spring of 2016. I had just graduated high school only a few months before in 2010 and the idea of waiting until 2016 for Brian to graduate from medical school was daunting.

But then I did the math and calculated that by the time he graduated medical school I would be 24 and it would be a good age to become first time parents.

And halfway through medical school we knew it wasn't right to wait until we were no longer in school, no longer in debt, and closer to family. We knew that it was time for our family to grow. And after I miscarried we second guessed if our feelings on starting a family had been wrong.

We became pregnant again and my new fear was that I would be raising this child alone because her father would be busy with school. I thought that on our first day of medical school that I was giving up my marriage to another woman named Medicine.

I could complain about how many dinners that have gone cold or mushy from trying to keep it warm in the crock pot, or I could talk about each night that they baby got put down to bed without seeing the face of her father-but many of us have gone through similar times.

We aren't crossing the finish line today. But we are celebrating the start of a new race.

This is the end of a very good chapter of our lives-a life where we learned so much about ourselves in our time in Chicago. We learned how to rely on each other, manage our time, work even when we don't want to, become new parents, raise a wild child, and how to truly bloom where we were planted in our little town home. We celebrate today.

There is still so much work to be done, but here is to celebrating the successes that happen all along the way.

The last four years have been different than I ever imagined. You know when people would ask you at the end of high school, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?" I did not ever expect to be here.

But I am so happy that I am. The last 4 years have been challenging in so many ways. They have taught us to rely more on our faith and on each other. I went through 4 different jobs, finally settling in on the best job of all: motherhood. Brian worked so hard on studying, clinicals, rotations, and studying some more. On top of that he served as Elders Quorum President in our ward which added its own challenges but helped strengthen him spiritually.

Here is to celebrating the end of one journey and start of a new one. Congrats Brian J Larson, MD!

Match Day 2016

After much anticipation... We are moving to....

SALT LAKE CITY UTAH!!

It felt like the longest morning I can remember as we waited to head over to the school for the ceremony..

The school provided breakfast at 9 and we were allowed to open our envelopes at exactly 11 am. We headed to the school at 9:30 and ate and chatted with people in Brian's class and their families..

We then took a walk... to wait out the time until we received our envelopes.

There was no way that Lydia would sit still in one room for that long and to be honest.. we felt just as restless as her.

So we walked.. and talked.. and waited.. and finally the time came for us to make our way to the room where we'd receive our envelope.

The countdown began... 10, 9, 8, (Heart pounding) 7, 6, 5, 4 (Lydia was trying to eat the envelope and Brian looked up at me and said, "It's Utah.. I know it is") 3, 2,1...

Brian tore the envelope open. And there it was... Utah. And then the tears came and we all hugged as we cried.. Brian and I for excitement and happiness.. Lydia because everyone was screaming and cheering around us and it scared her.

We tried to film our happiness and had someone take a picture for us.. So if we look like we've been crying, it's because we did (and excuse my high pitched emotional voice).

We are going home!!!

After 4 wonderful years in Illinois, we get to go back to the land we love! It still feels too good to be true!

We went and found our good friend Stein (the only other LDS medical student in Brian's year and also his great friend) to see where he matched and it turns out that he matched in Utah as well! We felt so blessed! Out of all the spots available for Internal Medicine, 2 came from Chicago Medical school!

So our current plan is this...

Put in our 30 day notice at the end of March... pack up and move the last week of April back to Utah.. Stay with family until we find a place of our own.

Brian's start date is June 20 and so we have some time to play, look for a place to live, hopefully do a small celebratory trip, and just enjoy being in Utah and with family before he begins.

Ah! I just can't believe this is really happening!!!

Match Day: Only a day away!!

Fiddler on the Roof has been in my head all week long.. It plays over and over. "Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch..."

Tomorrow is the day.

Most M4s across the nation will all receive their envelope in which their next 3-6 years of life depends. And at the exact same time nation-wide... the envelopes will open and futures will be unfolded.

It sounds a lot like a mission call to me.. and in some ways, medical school has been for us. I always wanted to serve a mission and moving to Chicago gave me many more missionary opportunities than I thought was possible. This will be our next mission!

The ceremony leading up to opening the envelope will probably be like a small episode of church while we try to confine Lydia and keep her quiet and still (it's during naptime).. but we are going.. ALL of us.

Excited, nervous, anxious, fidgety, restless... eager? Jittery? Wired?  You name it.. I'm feeling it.

We already found out we matched on Monday which was a bit of a relief to know that Brian wouldn't have to do what they call the SOAP (Supplemental Offer and Acceptance Program) which is where those who didn't match scramble for a residency program.

Brian received the following email on Monday..

We are matched! And since have been counting down the days and hours until tomorrow at 11 am Chicago time.. (well really we've been counting days for months... but hourly is new haha)

We are ready for any of the choices. We have prayed long and hard that we go where we are needed and we will bloom wherever we are planted.

And now, switching from Fiddler on the Roof and singing in the wise words of Annie, "The Sun will come out tomorrow, so you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow! Come what may! Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow You're only a day away!"

Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's day from this darling blue-eyed girl in green! Come what may!

Residency Ranks are in!

It's done. We did it. Complete.. It's all down. The conclusion is there. It isn't changing and we are throwing in the towel.

After lots of prayers, thoughts, fasting, and long talks (I wish I could end those words with 'on the beach'). We have submitted our ranking list for residency.

This is a big deal.

There has been a lot, A LOT of thought and prayer put in.

So you ready to hear our list?

Wait, hold your horses a little tighter. I'm getting there. I just want to explain a bit.. Most students receive somewhere in their top 3 of choices. BUT-you could definitely get your last choice as well.. And! You could even not match at all and have to go back for a rematch.

With those fears being said.. Here is our top 5! Start slapping those thighs to your own drum roll please...

#1 University of Utah and Affiliated Hospitals-UT

#2 Case Western/University Hospitals-OH

#3 UC Irvine Med Center-CA

#4 Loma Linda University-CA

#5 Mayo School of Grad Med Education- AZ

We have listed down to 13.. but no point in listing those unless we match there.. in that case it will just be a surprise to all of us!

At this point, we truly would be happy with any of those. And I'm happy to say, I really mean that. Of course we want to be closer to family and somewhere in the West, but that may not happen and that is fine with us.

In the beginning of interview season, our prayers were "Please let us know what to rank" and there weren't any sure answers coming. So then we started praying "Please send us where we are needed and where is best for our family" and instead of getting a sure answer.. We felt peace with our list. That's all I have really wanted.. is feeling peace and knowing we are doing our best with what we know.

And here we are waiting for Match Day on March 18th.. Brian and me with our anxious (yet excited) smiles and Lydia with her "I just want pretzels and cheese and no cameras" face. Wahoo! 

Touring residencies and freaking out...

Want to know what the heck we are thinking right now?

What Brian is thinking: A lot of these interviews are very similar. Maybe I should cancel some of them. Why did I apply to so many? Lots of traveling and being fed.  4th year is so easy. I feel so lazy not studying all the time. I am ready to be training already.

What Lydia's thinking: Wow! Oooh! Look toys! Doggies and Kitties! I want Cheerios and grapes! Catch me if you can!

What Anna is thinking: Oh no, Brian likes Ohio.. I guess it is cheaper there and we could take a trip to Niagara Falls or go see the Palmyra Pageant. But it's 6 hours to the EAST of our home in Chicago making it 27 hours away from Utah.. Not exactly what I would call driving distance. And then there is California which would be so much fun to experience and a little bit closer to family.. a day's drive isn't too terrible. But it is SO expensive... could we even find a place to live? We'd be close to Brian's little sister and family which would be nice. But next is Arizona which would be a completely different climate for me. We'd again be within driving distance of Utah as well as 2 hours near Brian's oldest brother which again would be awesome... And what about Texas? Brian wants to cancel his interview there but I would much rather go there than Ohio and I hear it is a great family-friendly area to live. And of course there is Utah where family is and that is ideal, but I don't want to get my hopes up. And what if we end up in Utah and become just another Mormon? It has been so great to experience the church outside of Utah and feel like we are truly contributing to the building up of the Kingdom. It has been the mission I was never able to go on. Of course we can do the Lord's work anywhere we go I just pray we go where we are needed. And what about all the other places he has interviewed and I'm not even thinking about them? What if we go there and it is so unexpected? What if we were to stay in Chicago? What if, what if... WHAT IF?!

Can you tell who the person that is freaking out the most?

It is so hard for me not to think about the next few months. Especially when it is all anyone talks about? "Hi, Good to see you. What are you guys doing? When will you know where you are going? And when will you move?"

Now that it is finally drawing nearer, I find myself wanting to hold on to every part of our life in Chicago. I know we will miss it there-the area, the experiences, and the friends that have become our family these past 3 and a half years.

As Brian has been off interviewing around the country it has given me a lot of time to mull things over.. and I have decided I truly want to be done thinking and ready to have more trust and faith. This is what our prayers have come to.. Instead of praying for where we want to go, it is asking for us to be sent where we are needed and where will help us grow and learn the most.

I know now that we were needed in Chicago-for Brian's learning but also for our spiritual growth and opportunity to serve others and be served in return.

I pray for the spirit to confirm that where we are matched is where we are needed. Now to anxiously wait until the end of March..

Brian hiking in Arizona on an interview at Mayo Clinic

First Residency Interview... or something like that

Today Brian has his first interview for residency.

And from now until the end of January he will drive and fly up and down the West coast and Midwest telling everyone why he wants to go their residency program.. or something like that.

His suit will be freshly dry-cleaned, his hair neatly trimmed, face smoothly shaved and he will try to convince these programs why they want to choose him for a resident.

Well.. kind of choose him... rank him on their list of top residents is a better explanation.

And then come January when all smiles have been shown and questions asked and answered, and with interviews completed. We will compile the list of our top programs.

And then our list of desired residency programs and each program's list of desired students gets plugged into a computer that uses a mathematical algorithm to calculate where we best match and wallah!! It's a MATCH! Or.. something like that.

We leave our fate to a computer that assigns one person to go here.. and another here. We could stay in Illinois, we could move North to Wisconsin, or East to Ohio.. or South to Texas.. or West to California.. or let my heart hope.. Utah.

So let's take a look at our current and future to do list.. ✓

→ spend life savings (or more loans) on applications, interviews, flights, rental cars, gas and an interview wardrobe.
→ match day (3rd Friday in March)
→ move in April to residency location (we've set up our schedule to move earlier than graduation to have more time to get settled and take a graduation vacation)
→ graduate (First weekend of June)
→ work, work, work, cat nap, work, work, work, cat nap, repeat for first year of residency
→ 3 years of Internal Medicine residency
→ 2-3 years of a fellowship (yet to be determined)
→ get first paycheck to pay off $300,00+ loans... or.. something like that.

It truly is exciting.. and scary to be at this point of the medical school process. There are so many unknowns and new opportunities just around the corner.

Match day will come. I will wait anxiously like a kid on Christmas wondering if I'll get a sack of coal for calling my brother names or if I sneaked by with the barbie doll I wanted.

Brian will come home tonight from MCW and tell me all about his first interview and then we'll prep him for the next one this time next week.

Things are really hopping around here.. or something like that.

] Anna

To the First Years

Each August a fresh wave of excited and anxious medical and podiatry students move into our area. 

As I was playing with my daughter at a splash pad, a new student's wife asked me if I had any advice to the incoming medical student families.

At the time I was caught off guard and probably laughed my way through a silly response, but when I got home I couldn’t stop thinking about the question. In fact, in the days since that playgroup I have had many thoughts swirl through my mind.

To the medical student and family:

Congrats! You have made it into medical school. You. Are. Here. In the first few weeks you will be pushed, stretched, and stressed and wondering if this truly is what you want to do.

The answer is yes. And the solution is hang in there.

You thought you were great at studying and time managing in your undergrad, but medical school is going to teach you a whole new way to do things.

You thought going to class would be simple-but sometimes the teachers have thick accents. Then mix that with Latin medical terms and you will feel like you are in a different country.

You thought being a doctor would be great pay. If you are in it for the money--go somewhere else. 

Your new cologne will be formaldehyde-and your house will smell like it too. You will have to set yourself a "bedtime" because there is always more to do and study than can be done in one day. 

As a student adjusts to the time and effort put in to this part of one’s education, the spouse will sit on the side lines and wonder how they can help-because they truly want to help and make themselves useful. She'll apply to jobs all over, she'll clean the house 3 times in one hour, and she'll watch a lot of TV while glancing anxiously at her phone for a text saying “I’m on my way home”

This, my people, is my advice for surviving medical school:

1. Make time for God. This is and should be number one.  If you aren’t a religious person then now is the time to start. 

I watched as many students would go the opposite route and become “too busy” for church and God. The person they are really hurting is themselves. 

Who better to help you know and remember what you are learning then the all-knowing teacher?

I heard people say many times that they would have time for religion after medical school. There is never a time that you need religion more! If it’s medical school now, it’ll be intern year later, then the start of the a new career, etc.

There is never enough “time” for anything. Religion is not something you do if you have the time, it’s what we have been given time to do.

2. Family matters. And I mean it. 

Make time for your family and make sure they know when that time is. Whether that is coming home for lunch for a quick 45 minutes just to kiss your wife, scarf a sandwich and wrestle the baby. It’s worth it. 

If that means that you are done studying every night by 9 pm and spend an hour before bedtime on a quick walk with the spouse or snuggling on the couch snacking on buttered popcorn. Make it matter.

3. No study Sundays. Say what? You read that right. No studying on Sundays. 

This is something we started from week one of medical school. Was it hard to do? Yes. Was it worth it? Heck to the yes. 

This piece of advice helped to combine #1 and #2. By not studying Sundays it meant that Sunday was open for worship and it was also open for family time. Brian knew that no matter what was going on in school-even if he had a test Monday morning- he would have to be completely ready by Saturday night or get up early Monday and review. 

I have felt the blessings pour upon us from this seemingly simple rule. If I didn’t see Brian all week I knew that I had Sunday to look forward to-to go on a walk together and get my alone time in. We never went to church alone, always together as a family.

4. Manage your time. This is huge. It's about prioritizing what is most important. You can still live your life and do things that are important to you.

Say you study 6 hours at a time. How much of that time is actually devoted to study? Do you take a break every so often? What do you do in that break? Did you browse Facebook? Fantasyland? Buzzfeed? How much time did you waste on those?

If you have set apart time to study make sure that, that is exactly what you are doing-studying. 

And when you take a break-because we all know it's needed every so often. Put a limit on it, 10 or 15 minutes. We watched too many students get on Facebook or Buzzfeed for a break and next thing they knew 30 minutes had passed, then 45.. and so forth. 

You will have time for the things you love if you manage your time well.

5. Take turns with your spouse planning date nights. Take a 15 minute break from studying and plan a date night with your spouse. Rekindle the fire in your relationship. 

We often would joke that Medical School was the other woman in our relationship. Don’t let her get all the attention. Make sure the right woman is getting the right attention.

6. Your job is to worry about what YOU need to do to succeed. Do NOT worry about what everyone else is doing. 

I repeat: Do. Not. Worry. About. Anyone. But. YOU! 

Each student is smart. They wouldn't be here if they weren't. But you are too. Remember that you are part of this same elite group of medical students and you deserve to be here as much as the others.

Comparing will steal you of the joy you will have in your personal successes. Do the best you can do. It will be enough.

To the Spouse:

1. Encourage, encourage and encourage some more. Even when you don’t want to.

2. Keep yourself busy. Before having a baby, I worked 7 am to 7 pm some days just to stay busy like the hubby.

Join a book club or learn a new skill. This keeps you busy and learning. 

Sometimes Brian would study at home and I would drag a pillow to wherever he was studying and camp out on the ground with a good book. 

At least we were close in proximity. It made it easier.

3. Make dinner-even if he doesn’t show up-left overs make great lunches.

4. Get yourself ready for the day. Especially on the weekends when the hubby is studying. You feel better when you feel clean and ready.

5. Find a support group and stick together. Meet other medical student’s spouses, church friends, or neighbors and get together-often!

It's great to have family at home cheering you on from the sidelines and praying for you, but life and medical school get ten times better when there are friends nearby to help and rely on. 

The best way to have friends is to be a friend right? That means getting out of the comfort zone and inviting people over for dinner or games every once in a while. 

In the beginning, we rarely had a Sunday where we weren't feeding some new couple or family.

The first year of medical school the wives of the students would get together the night before the test when the husbands were all studying and we'd each bring a pot luck item to share. Then we'd pack up the food and take it to the husbands so they'd have some nutritious and delicious goodness to fill their stomachs while they filled also their brains.

6. Don’t wait around. If you want to do something, do it. 

This one was my hardest. Out of everyone that I want to spend time with, I want to do everything with Brian. I want to have the memories of doing something with him. 

In the beginning I wouldn’t go to the museums and events if Brian couldn’t make it. But then… it meant that we didn’t do anything because Brian could never really make it. After a while it made me become a hermit and that just wasn’t working either. 

Not waiting around means that even though you want to go to ice skating with your hubby or pick apples together, sometimes you just have to go by yourself and understand that they can’t make it.

It means packing up the baby and leaving to visit family-alone because there is no "vacation days" from medical school. You still have to live your life while they are living theirs.

Medical school is sacrifice.

And being married to a medical student means even more sacrifice.

It means waiting. It tests your patience, when you are waiting in bed at 11 pm just to hear the car door shut outside and know that he is home.. finally. It means that some birthdays go without gifts because food is more important. It means some anniversaries are celebrated months later because it fell on test day. It means learning to live on loans and pushing away pride to get government help and not buying that shirt even though it'd look cute, and it also means a lot of time alone.

It means getting over yourself and your loneliness and getting out to do things. You will make many sacrifices in your years of medical school-not only monetarily, but emotionally as well. 

You will see many of your high school and undergrad friends living it up as you are peering at them from behind a large and boring medical book. 

You will miss events, funerals, and family vacations that are really important to you and watch Instagram and Facebook for the updates from family on what you are missing.

It will be harder and it will be easier than you think. At times you'll breeze through it and at other times you will be brought to your knees. 

But it's worth it. You can do this. Stay strong.

] Anna