Meet Isabelle

Isabelle Larson

born April 24, 2018

at the University of Utah Hospital

at 1:35 am

8 lbs

20 inches

3 days before due date

The Story:
   A little preface to the delivery is this- towards the end of pregnancy this baby's movements really started to slow down. This was a little concerning for my doctor at the time and she spoke with me about being induced. I was nervous about the idea of an induction, but after thinking, praying, and talking with Brian about it, we decided it was best. The date was scheduled for Monday April 23.

Monday April 23-I had been feeling light contractions through the night, but not closer than 10 minutes apart. I was told to call the hospital an hour before we were supposed to go in and when I did I was informed that there had been a few emergencies through the night and that they didn't have a room available for me and that I should call back around noon. This was honestly hard to hear-but almost a relief too because by now I was nervous and I didn't feel like my house was "clean enough" to bring a new baby home to. So I spent the morning deep cleaning the floors of my kitchen and family room.

By noon my contractions were still coming every 8-10 minutes but weren't painful. We called the hospital again and was told there still wasn't a room available so Brian and I went to Jersey Mikes' Subs (THE BEST) and watched Lord of the Rings on Netflix (it's a long movie and we needed the distraction ha). I even took a small nap. Finally around 4 pm I was told they had a room available.

The car ride was surreal. It just didn't feel like this was happening for real. My past two births have been much more dramatic and this felt so much more relaxed.

As we walked into the hospital I wanted to tell people around me walking by, "Do you know I'm here because I'm going to have a baby?"

I was checked in around 5 pm and we got ourselves set up in our room.

We kept giving each other goofy looks and strangely awkward giggles. It is just a crazy feeling-the moments before you know life is about to change. Brian kept joking that the baby needed to come either before or after the Jazz played the Thunder (and was grateful he had time to enjoy the whole game before she made her arrival ha).



Things got rolling pretty quickly. Due to the contractions I had been having I was already a 3 (which my last appointment 4 days before I had only been .5). My nurse predicted that had I not been induced that day I probably would have gone the next evening anyway with the consistency and rate I was progressing.

I was put on Pitocin and my dad came and visited with Brian as we waited. My blood pressure kept dropping which resulted in me being lightheaded and given extra fluids, but otherwise things were pretty chill.

At 9 pm I was given an epidural that only took to my right side and it wasn't very strong at all. It was probably the most uncomfortable I have been with an epidural and that is saying something because my epidural with Lydia only took to one side also. I could feel every contraction-they were just muted a little.

Around 10 pm my mom and sister Raquel came to the hospital. It was super nice to have them there and was a great distraction for the wait as well as pushing through each contraction.

Finally at midnight they checked me and I hadn't progressed much. I was really bummed but almost immediately after the nurse left the room, I  started feeling the contractions really hit hard and come closer together.

After another half hour the urge to push was becoming stronger and I told Brian to tell the nurse because I felt like things were about to get hopping.

And just like that I was at a 9.5.

My doctor was paged and soon the room began to fill with people. I was kind of surprised at the fast pace things started to move. 

People were pouring in the room and hustling about getting things all ready. The bed was lowered and lights were turned on and tools were laid out. It felt unreal once again. 

Doctor Ostler asked if Brian was cutting the cord and the OB Resident said, “No the mom is” And I was super hesitant. I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to cut it because first it seemed totally weird and second I didn’t want to ruin my first moments with my baby by interrupting to cut the cord. That just seemed bizarre. But the resident was kind of pushy. She kept saying things like, “oh you’ll love it” And “just do it” and so I was like.. well.. okay?

Then it all started.

It took all of 2 contractions of pushing.. and at 1:35 am, I heard her. Her cry. 

And there she was. In my arms. Flailing her little arms and looking right at me.

I held her for a moment and just cried. 

My beautiful little love is here! Brian came to my side and cried with me. He put her hat on her as the nurses cleaned her up. We both just talked to her as she cried. It felt like heaven and angels were in the room with us and I believe they were. This little beauty was here. 

She has the same furrow her sisters had and those same big eyes. She was smaller than I had expected and had dark dark hair. Her fingers and toes were so so so long and skinny that they made me laugh.  Her head is perfectly round and her hair is so dark and long. I hope it never falls out. (But it probably will). Her ears have this little fold at the top and they are so tiny! She is perfect. So so perfect. 

I kept telling her that over and over as I held her little hand. “I’m your momma” I kept saying, “and I’m so happy you are here.”



I could see the umbilical cord still attached and the resident waiting to give me the scissors. They clamped the cord and handed them to me.

It was not quite the magical experience I think the resident wanted me to have ha. Instead it was kind of gross. It was like a super rubbery thick piece of licorice and I had to cut it in a couple snips.. but I guess I can cross off cutting an umbilical cord off a list somewhere ha.

But then she was “free” and I passed her to Brian to hold her. 

Watching Brian hold her is so special. He is one of those that can’t stop crying when the spirit is strong. And there he was, holding his new precious little girl. One that I think looks just like him. 

He brought her close up to his face and kissed her and then looked at me with tears down his cheeks. “It’s Isabelle!”

All I could mutter out was "We'll see." Because I still wasn't sure and wanted to go through my list of names. 

We passed her to my mom who had tears on her face and kept telling me how special it all was. She held her close and nuzzled her and my heart melted even more. 

And then it was Raquel’s turn who just kept that darling baby right up to her face and also shed some tears. How could we all not? This new little life, this perfect life-fresh from heaven is here in our arms. It does not get any better than this at all. This is eternity.


The nurses were soon hovering around to get her weight and length. 

7 lbs 15.5 oz and 20 inches long. Pretty much 8 lbs and pretty dang perfect.

The after-delivery was much smoother (though still a little crazy) than it had been with Adeline's delivery. My uterus wasn't contracting and I was loosing a lot of blood. But they were prepared. 

They gave me methergine and a few shots of something and kept me on pitocin for an extra 24 hours after delivery. It was all to help my uterus contract so that I wouldn’t bleed as much. But I still lost enough blood for it to be called postpartum hemorrhaging. They had to push on my belly every 45 minutes for the first day to measure the blood and make sure my uterus was contracting.

While moving rooms, Brian took the birth certificate papers and started to fill them out. I panicked because I hadn’t tried all the names on her yet. We had kind of narrowed it down to Samantha or Isabelle because those are what she looked the most like to the both of us. I could tell Brian was still set on Isabelle but for some reason I just couldn’t say yes 100% on it. 

The next thing I knew though, Brian was informing me that the birth certificate was complete and he had turned it in.

I was shocked! “Wait! What name did you put down?” and he just matter-of-factly said “Isabelle”

I wanted to react, but with how firm he was being on this I thought about how maybe the reason I couldn’t decide was because this baby was supposed to be named by her daddy. Brian was so sure that he had handed in the birth certificate. I didn’t get to look over it or anything! That was a little crazy, but at the same time, I knew that I trusted him. And I really do love the name Isabelle. 

And so.. my lovely baby girl became Isabelle Larson.

Lydia and Adeline came to the hospital the next morning to meet Isabelle.

Adeline just wanted to point out all the baby's body parts and Lydia wanted to hold her for maybe 30 seconds and was more concerned about why I was hooked up to so much stuff and couldn't move well.

It was a moment of excitement to be together but also chaos and a glimpse of what life with these three girls could be once we were home. But I loved it. Truly.

I thought my heart couldn’t be any more full, but I was wrong.

Here we were, all together as a family of 5. The girls climbed on the bed next to me and we all held and looked at the little miracle in my arms. 

Welcome to our home and heart little Isabelle. You are so loved.

O N E

Sweet Adeline,

Happy birthday darling girl. How I wish time would slow down so I could enjoy you that much longer. You are such a joy in this home. Going to get you in the mornings is my favorite part of the day. You are always happy and giggly (more like a grunting pig) to see me. You start each day full of excitement and always have a smile.

That first tender moment of holding you in my arms and feeling how perfectly you not only fit in them, but in our family has rung true to this day. You were meant to be with us darling.

I have so many hopes and dreams for you as you grow and I see so much goodness in you.

You are my great thinker. You think before you act. I watch you as you take each step and do so with great thought. And it goes for the way you play, the toys that hold your attention are the ones that you have to think where to put the ball and where it will come out. You like magnets and books and stacking toys together. I hope you will always be a great thinker and strive to figure out how things work. I hope you will always remember to be kind in your words because you think about them before you say them.

Everyone is your friend. You love other babies and think you are a riot when adults pay attention to you. You are loud and a chatterbox. I hope you will treat everyone with respect and strive to be a friend to all forms of life.

You are an observer. You observe situations and are thoughtful of them. You are especially into mimicking others moves and sounds. I hope you will choose strong, brave, and faith-filled people as your role models and strive to be more like your Savior.

You are my foodie. You will try all foods and will eat almost everything from green olives to steak but will avoid peaches. I hope you will always be willing to try new things as you are willing to try new foods.

You are fast. In fine motor skills I have always been amazed at how early you could pick things up and how easily you can move those fingers. With gross motor you are just quick. Quick at crawling and your walk is more of a toddling run. I hope you will be quick with kind words and helping others. I also hope you will be willing to put your skills into action-like playing a musical instrument and continuing to be active and healthy. 

I hope you will channel your curiosity into learning all you can and mastering many skills. I hope you will strive to learn and develop your own testimony of the gospel and of our Savior. He loves you so much.

You adore your sister. And she loves you with all of her big little heart. I hope this love continues to grow in you both and that you will choose to be the best of friends. And someday you will be able to hug her back just as tightly.

I hope you continue to face trials and hardships in the face like you did when you sister white-washed you. You brush yourself off and push forward. And you also learned not to be around when Lydia was throwing snowballs.

You are beautiful. From your gray/brown eyes to your curly hair. You are absolutely beautiful. But what makes you most beautiful of all is that you are happy. And I hope you will always search in your heart for that happiness and let it show and radiate from you-like in those moments when you are so so SO happy that you just shake with glee.

You are loved. My darling Adeline, my sweet, sweet baby. You are so loved. Our family adores you and our hearts are overflowing. I know that the love we feel is just a smidgen of the love that Heavenly Father has for you and I want you to know that I KNOW that he will always be there for you. You are ALWAYS loved my little sunshine.

Happy 1st birthday Sweetie!

]  Mommy 
   & Daddy

Adeline's finished first year journal can be found here.

My SECOND first night of motherhood

You may recall my first night of motherhood.. You know, the wake up call that my expectations were a bit unrealistic.

Well, you think I would have learned..

But instead I thought.. "I've done this before. I know what I'm doing"

Any thought like that is usually just Heavenly Father's way of letting you know there are some future growing pains coming. 

So I should have known as soon as that thought came into my head.

But I went on my merry way and found out the hard way (but thankfully not as hard as my first night with Lydia).

The hospital stay was different this time.. Because I was confined to my bed the whole time and also because the staff considered me an "experienced" mother (since I had a child at home) the info they would give me usually went something like this: "Breastfeed your baby every 2-3 hours, but you already know that.." "You already know this but Your baby should have this many poopy and wet diapers." Etc

I left the hospital feeling like a champ! I already know this! I know what I'm doing! I am a pro!

Whoopdie-do straight to my head. Walking out to the car, my expectations were soaring even though I had tried to keep them in a harness!

What I was failed to be told and be reminded of.. Is that every single one of us is different.. Hence.. My babies are not going to be the same and the experiences we have once home are NOT going to be the same as before.

So here I am.. Driving home from the hospital.. Baby in the back and meeting my mother-in-law to pick up Lydia. 

I do not write posts like this to complain.. just simply to be honest and upfront. If there is anything I have learned about myself through the years.. it's that I set expectations for myself whether I mean to or not.. and these expectations often cause me to learn deep heart-felt and growing-pain kind of lessons.

My [unrealistic] expectations had been this: Drive home from the hospital, pick up Daughter #1 and laugh and talk the whole way home about how happy we are to be a family of 4. Walk into a sparkly clean home and let Daughter #1 and #2 "play" together on the floor while Mom showers and Dad makes dinner and takes care of the kids while Mom gets to take care of her needs. Then snuggle on the couch as a family and read books and watch a cartoon and eat the brownies that Dad made knowing Mom wanted to eat something sweet. Then put the kids in bed and go to bed ourselves with me getting up every 2-3 hours to feed the baby. (I had remembered from my first experience that it was about every 2-3 hours that I had, had to get up... I also remembered that I wanted to put the baby to sleep on her tummy instead of back and that I would take the baby into her own room if she was too fussy). I finally expected to wake up in the morning and have Brian take the kids so I could catch an extra hour of sleep before meeting the day.

Of course.. none of this happened.

Lydia was exhausted from playing hard at Grandma's and likely had, had little sleep and lots of sugar.

Needless to say, she was hyper and ornery at the same time. She was super excited to have the "baby" in the car, but curious on why she was there and where the heck mom and dad had been the last few days. So some pretty big emotions going on for this almost 2-year-old.

Once we pulled into the driveway, Brian grabbed Lydia, and I grabbed Adeline. Walking into the house this time wasn't weird at all. It felt natural.. like this should have been happening for ages.

But that is about where the 'natural' part ended.

Lydia started throwing a fit as we walked in the house. Brian (who hadn't gotten much sleep so he was very tired himself) got pretty mad at her for throwing the fit.

I found myself putting the baby down, and rushing to intervene and explain to Brian how Lydia was feeling and that we needed to be very sensitive and understanding.

He left to change his clothes while I put Lydia in the tub, fed the baby, started unpacking from the hospital, had to go to the bathroom myself and call to him to come get the baby... then dress, feed, and clean Lydia.

I thought to myself.. "I just had a baby.. not even 2 days ago. Where the heck is my husband and the help he is supposed to be giving me?"

The baby was crying because her feeding was cut short and Brian had put her down to answer a call.

I felt a small bubble of anger in my gut, but put on my big girl panties (no pun intended because after having a baby you wear granny panties for a while) and set to work.

After some time, Brian came back out and apologized that I was doing everything.

I think he expected me to say, "You're fine honey. I have this." but instead what he got was, "I am doing everything. Go change the baby's diaper."

That night I put Lydia down early because she was exhausted. I was feeling a tiny bit emotional because I hadn't even had the chance to shower and felt gross and so tired. Brian and I cleaned up and then went to bed ourselves around 8. I had set everything up in our room with a bassinet and the baby's room across the hall for an easy and comfortable first night at home.

I put Adeline in the bassinet and laid in bed. Brian fell asleep immediately and I found my eyes just closing when I heard Adeline cry.

Up.. grab the baby.. Feed her. Lay back down.

32 minutes later baby is crying, I'm quickly grabbing her so I don't wake Brian, feeding her.. back to her bassinet.

30 minutes later, Adeline's spitting up (Darn it.. forget about the whole burping thing AGAIN! So hard to remember when you still don't have your milk in!). I take her into her room to clean her up, feed her, BURP her, and back to my bedroom to sleep.

27 minutes later I give up on the bassinet, feed her, put her in the crib, and back to the bedroom to finally fall asleep.

My night went on like this for a good 5-6 hours.

I found myself setting the baby down in her crib and sitting in the rocking chair for 10 minutes of sleep or whatever I could get.Why wasn't this baby sleeping? Were her nights and days mixed like I had heard can happen? Was she starving and frustrated that my milk hadn't come in yet to really fill her up?

The baby starts crying again. Repeating feeding her, putting her down, trying to close my eyes.. feeding.. diaper change... going to the bathroom myself, feeding her, burping.. trying to sleep... etc. etc...

By the 13th feeding (Just throwing in a number there) I sat in the rocking chair and silently cried a little.. letting the tiredness and feelings of failure sink in.. and what made it worse was when I [once again] felt the urge to go to the bathroom and [once again] didn't make it.

What is wrong with me? I was supposed to have it all together this time!

Finally it is 4 in the morning and I am positive I've had a full 22 minutes of sleep the whole night.

I cry lightly to myself and in desperation I grab the baby and pull her into bed with me.

"I am a terrible mother" I think.. "I have no idea what I am doing. I thought I did but I don't. I think I have gone backwards this time."

And as I am about to fall asleep, I have the thought.. "You are doing your best" ring out clear in my mind. And I fall asleep..

And the miracle is.. so did the baby..

Just like that. She slept in my arms for 4 hours straight.

And the other amazing part is.. I slept for a couple of those 4 hours!

When I woke up with Brian and Lydia that morning.. I was feeling like a champ again. I had gotten a couple hours of sleep!

And as we went about our day and when feelings of failure started to swirl around me as I restarted Care Bears for the second time.. I had those 5 words ring out again.

You are doing your best.

I have been thinking about all this since.. I have to keep telling myself exactly that... I am doing by best. And so are all the other women out there. Some new moms may really just have it all come so naturally but I am not one of them. And though things are not so natural.. they still are me doing my best.

And let me throw in.. my husband is a great guy. Yes.. He wasn't the big help I had expected him to be the first day home. But he is a superb father and a wonderful husband and he is also human. Residency has kicked his [and our] trash and I shouldn't have had such unrealistic expectations but I'm not going to lie and say they weren't there either. He is also doing his best even though his best might be a bit more ornery [at times] than mine.

I truly hope that on the third or fourth or whatever first night of motherhood that comes in the future, that I will just learn to let things go and live and let live.

I need to be fine with the fact that I will do my best even if that means the baby (and myself) doesn't sleep the whole night or that my husband is also tired and not as helpful, or that I can't control my bladder after giving birth.

It's still my best. And that is enough.

Homies

It's official.

We. Have. A. Home.

And not only do we have a home.. we MOVED in!

I can't help but want to call Brian "homie" every time I see him these days.

The house is in a lovely neighborhood in Bountiful and is a 1955 American ranch house.. I love the backyard which is very private with lots of trees and bushes that I just adore.

We closed on our home on June 22, 2016.. The next day we moved all our belongings into the garage.. The next day after that Brian started residency and I started working on the house. Talk about a busy weekend!

What started out as excitement and nervousness in buying an older home quickly turned to panic and stress as things we thought would be easy to fix or do ourselves turned into small (and some big) nightmares.

Walls crumbling, wood floors turning white, lead paint adventures, wallpaper disasters, electrical problems (causing our sprinklers not to work and lawn to dry up), broken sinks, weird piping, and so many other puzzling features of this home has sent us to our knees many times asking for help.

Brian was busy every single day (including weekends) with his ICU rotation which left me to work on the house while being 7-8 months pregnant. Thankfully we have been blessed with SO many family members and friends who have helped out by watching Lydia and getting projects done. I know that I couldn't have done it without them.

And when I look back through the last 6 weeks-I can see so many tender mercies on the way. We truly have been blessed through this whole process.

And we are here now.. in the house! There is still a whole lot of work to be done, but the upstairs is mostly done and it is livable!

Now time to prepare for this baby!!

Residency Ranks are in!

It's done. We did it. Complete.. It's all down. The conclusion is there. It isn't changing and we are throwing in the towel.

After lots of prayers, thoughts, fasting, and long talks (I wish I could end those words with 'on the beach'). We have submitted our ranking list for residency.

This is a big deal.

There has been a lot, A LOT of thought and prayer put in.

So you ready to hear our list?

Wait, hold your horses a little tighter. I'm getting there. I just want to explain a bit.. Most students receive somewhere in their top 3 of choices. BUT-you could definitely get your last choice as well.. And! You could even not match at all and have to go back for a rematch.

With those fears being said.. Here is our top 5! Start slapping those thighs to your own drum roll please...

#1 University of Utah and Affiliated Hospitals-UT

#2 Case Western/University Hospitals-OH

#3 UC Irvine Med Center-CA

#4 Loma Linda University-CA

#5 Mayo School of Grad Med Education- AZ

We have listed down to 13.. but no point in listing those unless we match there.. in that case it will just be a surprise to all of us!

At this point, we truly would be happy with any of those. And I'm happy to say, I really mean that. Of course we want to be closer to family and somewhere in the West, but that may not happen and that is fine with us.

In the beginning of interview season, our prayers were "Please let us know what to rank" and there weren't any sure answers coming. So then we started praying "Please send us where we are needed and where is best for our family" and instead of getting a sure answer.. We felt peace with our list. That's all I have really wanted.. is feeling peace and knowing we are doing our best with what we know.

And here we are waiting for Match Day on March 18th.. Brian and me with our anxious (yet excited) smiles and Lydia with her "I just want pretzels and cheese and no cameras" face. Wahoo!