To Do List: ☑ Medical School

When Brian and I were dating, he told me his plans to go to medical school and that he would graduate in Spring of 2016. I had just graduated high school only a few months before in 2010 and the idea of waiting until 2016 for Brian to graduate from medical school was daunting.

But then I did the math and calculated that by the time he graduated medical school I would be 24 and it would be a good age to become first time parents.

And halfway through medical school we knew it wasn't right to wait until we were no longer in school, no longer in debt, and closer to family. We knew that it was time for our family to grow. And after I miscarried we second guessed if our feelings on starting a family had been wrong.

We became pregnant again and my new fear was that I would be raising this child alone because her father would be busy with school. I thought that on our first day of medical school that I was giving up my marriage to another woman named Medicine.

I could complain about how many dinners that have gone cold or mushy from trying to keep it warm in the crock pot, or I could talk about each night that they baby got put down to bed without seeing the face of her father-but many of us have gone through similar times.

We aren't crossing the finish line today. But we are celebrating the start of a new race.

This is the end of a very good chapter of our lives-a life where we learned so much about ourselves in our time in Chicago. We learned how to rely on each other, manage our time, work even when we don't want to, become new parents, raise a wild child, and how to truly bloom where we were planted in our little town home. We celebrate today.

There is still so much work to be done, but here is to celebrating the successes that happen all along the way.

The last four years have been different than I ever imagined. You know when people would ask you at the end of high school, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?" I did not ever expect to be here.

But I am so happy that I am. The last 4 years have been challenging in so many ways. They have taught us to rely more on our faith and on each other. I went through 4 different jobs, finally settling in on the best job of all: motherhood. Brian worked so hard on studying, clinicals, rotations, and studying some more. On top of that he served as Elders Quorum President in our ward which added its own challenges but helped strengthen him spiritually.

Here is to celebrating the end of one journey and start of a new one. Congrats Brian J Larson, MD!

Baby #2 Pregnancy Journal

This round of pregnancy has been tougher than I remember Lydia's being.. and maybe that is just because Lydia's was so new or maybe I was just stronger with her.. Who knows. 

The first trimester with Baby #2  kicked my trash. Sometimes as I was crawling back to bed after a pretty bad throwing up session, I would wonder if it was really worth it. 

And then of course I would snap back to reality once I'd had a little bit of sleep and I was snacking on crackers and watching Lydia try to color on the walls and realize just how worth it a few months of feeling crappy is.. to be able to have another babe to love unconditionally..

And then second trimester hit and things have been a wee bit better! Since the October 2015 General Conference, I have tried to take Brother Durrant's challenge and Ponderize the scriptures more. In our study as a couple we have been reading the New Testament and during the hard point of my morning sickness, I came across John 16:21. 

This was exactly the comfort I had been needing to read and quickly had it put as my Ponderize scripture. The Ponderize App is definitely worth the $2 paid because it helps me to use it weekly and personalize the scriptures as I go.

I'm not going to lie though-I had this scripture on my phone for at least a month. Whenever I was feeling particularly sick-it helped to glance at this on my phone and remember just how worth it these little babes are.

Anyway, It's time for Baby #2's pregnancy journal! I've been slow to posting these this time just because we have so much going on these days, but who doesn't?

When I look back at Lydia's pregnancy journal I sometimes can't believe I pretty much did one every week! Having a toddler around, I will be lucky to get one at all! So I will be happy with every 2-4 weeks for now. 

Oh and did you read that last one?! We are having another girl!! We are so excited!

I have felt like we would have another girl for some time. In fact, I went as far as to call this baby a "she" and "her" and Brian would remind me that it could be a boy. So one night I started calling the baby a "he" and he was thrown off and asked why. I told him that I would truly be surprised if it was a boy and that I should get used to calling the baby a "he" just in case.

And honestly, it felt weird to call the baby a "he" when I felt differently. Don't get me wrong, I look forward to having a little Brian running around someday, but for now having two little princesses works for me.

Another highlight of having a girl for us was that we already have girl clothing in the right season (the baby and Lydia will be 23 months apart-ish). So financially (remember, we are coming out of Medical school) it would just work really well.

The way the Ultrasound Tech told us that we were having a girl was when she finally got the picture (after chasing the baby around for almost 10 minutes) she said, "Do you see that blackness there? That's your skin.. here's a leg.. and here's a sister!"

It took me a moment to realize what she said and then I turned to Brian and he had a big smile on his face. Another girl! He has a lot of hormones, emotions and estrogen to deal with now!

I just love the idea of having two little sisters so close. My own two older sisters are 20 months apart, and I worked for two families of little girls.

I remember thinking in Lydia's ultrasound almost 2 years ago that she was a little ninja in there. But this baby is like Hammy from Over the Hedge.. Serious moving all the time.. and still so early which tells me it will only get crazier in there.

And that's great. Because like I have mentioned before, with this baby I have been more nervous that ever before about losing her. I think Heavenly Father helped me to feel this baby move early and is helping this little girl to be more active so I receive pretty constant reassurance that everything will turn out just fine.

I'm happy and ready for this family of 3 to be a family of 4.

Match Day 2016

After much anticipation... We are moving to....

SALT LAKE CITY UTAH!!

It felt like the longest morning I can remember as we waited to head over to the school for the ceremony..

The school provided breakfast at 9 and we were allowed to open our envelopes at exactly 11 am. We headed to the school at 9:30 and ate and chatted with people in Brian's class and their families..

We then took a walk... to wait out the time until we received our envelopes.

There was no way that Lydia would sit still in one room for that long and to be honest.. we felt just as restless as her.

So we walked.. and talked.. and waited.. and finally the time came for us to make our way to the room where we'd receive our envelope.

The countdown began... 10, 9, 8, (Heart pounding) 7, 6, 5, 4 (Lydia was trying to eat the envelope and Brian looked up at me and said, "It's Utah.. I know it is") 3, 2,1...

Brian tore the envelope open. And there it was... Utah. And then the tears came and we all hugged as we cried.. Brian and I for excitement and happiness.. Lydia because everyone was screaming and cheering around us and it scared her.

We tried to film our happiness and had someone take a picture for us.. So if we look like we've been crying, it's because we did (and excuse my high pitched emotional voice).

We are going home!!!

After 4 wonderful years in Illinois, we get to go back to the land we love! It still feels too good to be true!

We went and found our good friend Stein (the only other LDS medical student in Brian's year and also his great friend) to see where he matched and it turns out that he matched in Utah as well! We felt so blessed! Out of all the spots available for Internal Medicine, 2 came from Chicago Medical school!

So our current plan is this...

Put in our 30 day notice at the end of March... pack up and move the last week of April back to Utah.. Stay with family until we find a place of our own.

Brian's start date is June 20 and so we have some time to play, look for a place to live, hopefully do a small celebratory trip, and just enjoy being in Utah and with family before he begins.

Ah! I just can't believe this is really happening!!!

Match Day: Only a day away!!

Fiddler on the Roof has been in my head all week long.. It plays over and over. "Matchmaker, Matchmaker, make me a match, find me a find, catch me a catch..."

Tomorrow is the day.

Most M4s across the nation will all receive their envelope in which their next 3-6 years of life depends. And at the exact same time nation-wide... the envelopes will open and futures will be unfolded.

It sounds a lot like a mission call to me.. and in some ways, medical school has been for us. I always wanted to serve a mission and moving to Chicago gave me many more missionary opportunities than I thought was possible. This will be our next mission!

The ceremony leading up to opening the envelope will probably be like a small episode of church while we try to confine Lydia and keep her quiet and still (it's during naptime).. but we are going.. ALL of us.

Excited, nervous, anxious, fidgety, restless... eager? Jittery? Wired?  You name it.. I'm feeling it.

We already found out we matched on Monday which was a bit of a relief to know that Brian wouldn't have to do what they call the SOAP (Supplemental Offer and Acceptance Program) which is where those who didn't match scramble for a residency program.

Brian received the following email on Monday..

We are matched! And since have been counting down the days and hours until tomorrow at 11 am Chicago time.. (well really we've been counting days for months... but hourly is new haha)

We are ready for any of the choices. We have prayed long and hard that we go where we are needed and we will bloom wherever we are planted.

And now, switching from Fiddler on the Roof and singing in the wise words of Annie, "The Sun will come out tomorrow, so you gotta hang on 'til tomorrow! Come what may! Tomorrow, Tomorrow, I love ya, tomorrow You're only a day away!"

Oh, and Happy St. Patrick's day from this darling blue-eyed girl in green! Come what may!

Baby #2

It's happening... again! We are getting ready for Baby Larson #2! 

Baby is due to join our family September 4, 2016. We are getting more and more excited as the days pass by helping it feel a bit more real.

For some strange reason, all 3 times I have been pregnant, I have known right away.. Brian tells me all the time that it is pretty impossible for me to know so soon, but for whatever reason, I feel different almost immediately. Who knows if this strange feeling will continue for all my kids, but every pregnancy thus far has felt the same.. like my body is no longer just mine.

Waiting for the double lines for 2 weeks to confirm what I already know feels like the longest part of pregnancy haha.. Well at the time it does, the next longest part of pregnancy is waiting for the magical week 14, which for whatever reason is my light switch that turns off the all-day sickness that has me making friends with the toilet and enemies with all things food.

I took the test on Christmas and waited to tell Brian until New Year's Eve. Even though I had felt pregnant for the 2 weeks already, I still felt shocked to be pregnant again. Brian was even more shocked.. he thought I was kidding with him because technically we had decided to wait a few months before trying.. but if there is one thing I have learned through my life-it's that the Lord likes to test me by helping me to trust in his timing, and not my own. 

And so.. our next September baby journey started.

I gained weight very quickly in the beginning with this one, like I did with my miscarriage and I felt very crampy as well. This made me very nervous and I worried that I would miscarry this baby as well. Around week 8 I started bleeding and after a few days my doctor ordered a stat ultrasound to see if I had miscarried.

I think I cried the whole way to the hospital and tried to hold myself together once there. Since it was a stat ultrasound, the technician wasn't allowed to tell us much. After 20 minutes or so of her moving the probe across my belly and taking pictures, I asked the question my heart had been crying out for the past few weeks-"Is there a baby?"

The ultrasound technician sighed and said she was sorry but she couldn't disclose anything. 

I think my fears showed on my face so she pointed to the screen and said, "Do you see that flicker right there? Can you guess what that is?" 

Brian instantly held my hand and said, "Anna, that's the heart. That's our baby right there.."

My heart soared.. There was my baby! All the sudden peace poured into my body.. peace that the Lord had been giving me but I had shut out because of my fears. 

The rest of the appointment went smoothly. We had to meet with the doctor afterwards so he could give us the news in which we were told that everything looked great and they didn't have a reason for the bleeding but that I was to go into the doctor later that week and the next to make sure.

In the next week, everything became more normal, the bleeding stopped and the all-day sickness set in and our baby is growing wonderfully. We feel very blessed.

With me feeling so crappy lately, I've let the house go to shambles... thankfully I have the best cleaning crew I could have asked for. They've been super helpful in holding down this fort!

Lydia's new thing is making this face whenever I get the camera out. It's her instant cheeser and it cracks me up. She is our little diva and we love her crazy personality. Besides her books, her other favorite toy right now is her baby doll. She pushes the doll around in the stroller each day and carries her baby around with her. It has helped me to know she won't have too much of a problem adjusting to a new little human around here in a few months.

Even though we've heard the heart beat and seen the ultrasound, this time around feels almost more unreal than with Lydia's pregnancy. And to be honest, I think I am more nervous than before.. because this time when I look at my little girl running around, I know what I could lose more than ever.

My miscarriage was a sadness for the loss of what could have been and the child I didn't get to know. After having Lydia and knowing what it is like to her-my child physically in my arms and love them so much your heart could burst, I fear for losing another baby now that I know what that feels like.

But besides trusting in His timing, the Lord also is helping me learn to have more faith. Each time I have a fear or worry, I say a silent prayer and I have been blessed with peace and comfort almost instantly. I know that whatevesr happens we will not be alone and we will be comforted.

At 14 weeks, I am showing a lot more than I was with Lydia. I feel like I fit into my jeans for weeks and weeks and even then used an elastic around the button to keep using them. This time I don't even want to keep wearing them.. My pants have consisted of mostly stretchy leggings or yoga pants. 

Since we move soon and I have to pack anyway, I've just been putting away pretty much anything in my closet that doesn't fit or won't in the next couple months.. and my closet is super bare now! Finding something comfortable and that fits is my daily challenge ha.

We are excited, hopefully through sharing my thoughts and fears I haven't lost anyone to us thinking or feeling otherwise. We feel truly blessed to be have our growing family. I am learning to replace my fears with faith and be more excited with each passing day.

Residency Ranks are in!

It's done. We did it. Complete.. It's all down. The conclusion is there. It isn't changing and we are throwing in the towel.

After lots of prayers, thoughts, fasting, and long talks (I wish I could end those words with 'on the beach'). We have submitted our ranking list for residency.

This is a big deal.

There has been a lot, A LOT of thought and prayer put in.

So you ready to hear our list?

Wait, hold your horses a little tighter. I'm getting there. I just want to explain a bit.. Most students receive somewhere in their top 3 of choices. BUT-you could definitely get your last choice as well.. And! You could even not match at all and have to go back for a rematch.

With those fears being said.. Here is our top 5! Start slapping those thighs to your own drum roll please...

#1 University of Utah and Affiliated Hospitals-UT

#2 Case Western/University Hospitals-OH

#3 UC Irvine Med Center-CA

#4 Loma Linda University-CA

#5 Mayo School of Grad Med Education- AZ

We have listed down to 13.. but no point in listing those unless we match there.. in that case it will just be a surprise to all of us!

At this point, we truly would be happy with any of those. And I'm happy to say, I really mean that. Of course we want to be closer to family and somewhere in the West, but that may not happen and that is fine with us.

In the beginning of interview season, our prayers were "Please let us know what to rank" and there weren't any sure answers coming. So then we started praying "Please send us where we are needed and where is best for our family" and instead of getting a sure answer.. We felt peace with our list. That's all I have really wanted.. is feeling peace and knowing we are doing our best with what we know.

And here we are waiting for Match Day on March 18th.. Brian and me with our anxious (yet excited) smiles and Lydia with her "I just want pretzels and cheese and no cameras" face. Wahoo! 

January Bundles

I still can't believe that it is February. I am really trying to get used to writing 2016 and seeing it everywhere I go. January has been both good and frustrating to us.. There is always a bit of goodness and happiness if we look for it, but we have had a great deal of doctor visits as well. And those are rarely fun.

Lydia has been battling double ear infections for a couple weeks that don't seem to want to go away. So we have been back a lot. Between fevers and weird rashes that have driven us here as well..

Lydia has trigger thumb on both of her thumbs. This is where she isn't able to straighten her thumbs. Her right thumb is bent at a 90 degree angle and her left is at 45 degrees. It doesn't hurt her, but she does get frustrated when trying to open books or grab things with her thumbs. We have gone to an Pediatric Orthopedic surgeon to see if there are steps we can take to help her.

We'll decide by March if surgery is needed or if we can wait a few years and just watch them and see what happens.

This is truly how we have felt about this room at our doctor's.. every week.. And there have been a few weeks of multiples and up to 4 visits! What?!

Lydia's favorite toy in the world would be a book. She is obsessed and I'm not even kidding. This girl owns her own private library and she will sit for hours and just look at her books and be completely satisfied. She knows how to say book , though she isn't great with her "k's" and she will often speak gibberish as she looks through them as if she is reading them. I love it. I love having a little book lover.

My sister Raquel came to visit.. which easily made this January the best January we have had out of our 4 Januaries here. We did our usual Chicago Show-down.. Took her to Millennium Park and to the Field Museum and to the famous and delicious Wildberry and Portillos.. and of course had to top her visit with a visit to the Silo for the best deep dish pizza! It was amazing. We have been so blessed to have so many family members come out to visit us here. We definitely get lonely and so it always feels nice to see those you love. 

Lydia was in heaven to have her aunt here.. but so was I. I really do hope that we will be within driving distance when we move in a few months.

We also took a big leap of faith this month and said goodbye to our precious and beloved cat Minnie. After the big break of being home in Utah for 7 weeks and having her stay with our friend Lynn, we just felt very strongly that Lynn needed to have the cat.

With our current situation of moving and then being in limbo for a couple months while we looked for somewhere to live and whatnot-it just felt like Minnie needed a secure home and environment. Though I have cried because I have seriously loved and adored this cat.. we gave her to the best home in the world. She will be pampered and given the attention she needs and deserves.

It still is hard when I see a boot lying out in the corner of my eye and think it's the cat-or when Lydia tries to climb under the bed looking for the "hi titty". But I know we did what was right and needed. So long sweet Minnie.

With January being such a cold and frigid month, we have been SO blessed to have good neighbors just in our backyard who can walk over and play. Lydia and Lincoln are more like siblings and it is adorable to watch. They love playing together and it makes cold winter days go by that much faster and better.

So long January. We are ready to welcome a fresh February!